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What even is success?

This is a question that I have been asking myself for some time now. I often think “well have I been successful?” What am I even measuring that against? Life isn’t school, there is no criteria sheet to mark against your life. It’s not like well 1997 was an “A” but the next three years after was averaging a “D” so, up to 2000 you life grade is a “C+”. Bit ridiculous really.

So what even is success? Hubby has a mate who all he wanted was a wonderful women to marry and great kids. Anything else was just a bonus. Guess what……he’s received heaps of bonus’s and a great wife and kids. But is he successful? Again, who’s standard are we measuring it against? Too many people always want to pass judgement (on themselves and others) about if they are successful or not.

What does success even mean? I work as a high school teacher. Success means so many different things. But ultimately success always seems to mean doing well. Getting good grades, applying for leadership position or “winning” in a sporting endeavour.

But what about all this kids who are successful who don’t get the “good” grades, who don’t want to be leading anything and who find sport well….not for them. What about the child with any type of disability who for them holding their head up to look at someone is their success. Success, like people, is individual and one of a kind.

I feel that as a society we need to start to re-define what success is. I look at my boys who do not get great grades, who have no desire to be leading any clubs or student councils and definitely only want to do sport cause it’s enjoyable. I’ve been that parent where my boys make terrible decisions and are in trouble. But not once did I feel they were or won’t be successful.

I guess all I’m asking of you as the reader to think about is please stop measure your idea of success against others. Maybe if we started to look at each other as individual we may be able to look at success not as something that can be measured as a collective but, as many individual winning acts that form a persons life. I think that would be far more interesting as ones measure of success.

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Remembrance

Easter this year marks one year since Granny passed away. Peacefully slipping away in her sleep with her family surrounding her. She was my Mother’s Mother. Granny was very different to my Grandma. Both wonderful women who had special gifts that they each offered to their grandchildren.

I have been so lucky and grateful that I did not have to mourn my grandparents passing in quick succession. Nor did I have to start mourning their loss from my life while still a child or a teenager. I was able to know each of my grandparents in different stages of my own life and of theirs.

As I continue to get older I am able to look back and remember their words of wisdom, their little characteristics, sayings and mannerisms. I love the memories that my boys have of their great grandparents. They had a different relationship than I as it wasn’t grandparent to grandchild but great grandparent to great grandchild.

What struck a cord for me last week was the way that my parents remember their parents and celebrate their anniversary of passing. My Fathers side (his father is still with us) remember his mother with little sayings or memories that pop up. It always feels like she is still around.

However, on my Mother’s side for her anniversary there are flowers at her graveside and a morning tea. A morning tea with all her favourite trimmings. It was so lovely to sit with my parents and remember her over a morning tea.

A few of her favourite things. My Mum set up this beautiful little tableau in honour of her mother one year on from her passing.

You see, for Granny, morning tea was important. It was a ritual that happened every weekend on a Saturday morning. The family would visit her or she would visit us. There were always yummy morsels to eat while having your cuppa.

As a child I always looked forward to seeing what was on offer. It was on offer as you never asked for anything. Asking would result in you having nothing. She was a little old school around seeing children but one does not hear from children.

My brother and I loved any of the sweet buns or sausage rolls from a wonderful bakery called Lushus Bakery. Or maybe there was homemade piklets or fancy biscuits…….every morning tea had something different.

Getting to sit with my parents for morning tea and just reminisce about her bought back so many memories of her. It was a little like old times. A cuppa with tasty morsels and family chatter about our everyday lives. A continuing of a family tradition. A wonderful way to honour and celebrate our parents, grandparents and great grandparents memory.

I am so thankful that my grandparents played a role in my life. I have so many wonderful memories of them. They were a bedrock to so much of my life. I love that my children were also able to have their own relationship and memories of their great grandparents. It will be them that continues to hold and cherish their memories.

It’s all those small traditions and memories that tie a family together. So thank you Granny and Grandad and Grandma for enriching our lives. You will be remembered and honoured for many years ahead.

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My Home

I love my home. I love where I live. Every morning is the same. Wake to the sound of bird song, dappled sunlight through all our trees and our morning cuppa over looking the river. Life seriously can’t get much better than this.

Some mornings I run. I have a wonderful run buddy who has known my family for over 20 years. She has this wonderful rescue dog who is always so excited for run morning. Her other dog is also a legend but is suffering from sore joints so can’t run with us for the time being. Instead, she sings the lament of her people, which we have to constantly remind her will wake the rest of the house.

There are no better sunrise vistas than our morning run vistas! The other morning, Run Buddy said “if anyone found your phone the only photos would be sunrise and sunset pictures!” I told her I had no problem with that.

So many sunrise and sunset and everything in between. Can you believe this is where I get to live!

When we purchased our place I never imagined how different each and every day the sky would change colour. There is a simple beauty in being able to gaze and appreciate the beginning and end of each day. A grounding experience to soothe one’s soul.

I will be sad to see this place be sold if we hold to our plan, but this patch of land I call home has taught me so much. I’m sure if we move to our bush block it too will teach me. I hope your home gives you as much pleasure as mine does. I will forever cherish the memories I will make and have made on our patch of paradise.

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Micro Habits

So I know we are late March and most people created their New Years Resolutions months ago. However I decided to try something a little different this year. I am trying micro habits.

Now I believe this term came from a book. Which book I have no idea. It may have come from “Atomic Habits” by James Clear or the book called “Tiny Habits”. Either way it was something I had seen on my socials. Quick google search and I had a rough idea of what micro habits was about.

The last few years I have come to the realisation that I require systems to complete certain, or I should say any tasks or goals. Especially for things like housework. I really dislike that work!

Now my first micro habit is something a grown woman should already be doing but, habit one was to make my bed every day. I have struggled with that job since I was a child. I hated doing it. My mother always made me but, if I could get away with it would. I never understood why one would make their bed only to get back into bed at the end of the day to mess it up again. It seemed sooooo pointless.

So for everyday since January I have managed to make our bed every day. I have even been able to include some cute pillows to have on the bed as well. I still at times think it’s pointless but I have to admit it’s pretty nice to get into bed after a long day and feel like it’s had fresh sheets put on.

I’ve come to realise a fresh made bed is a thing of beauty.

Micro habit two is around general housework. What is the bare minimum I could do with regards to the house that I would feel good about. I think this is where this habit has been the most successful for me. I thought about what I need to feel good and still meet the needs of my family. Cause frankly I could clean every day for hours and still have to repeat the same job every day!

What I discovered was I like vacuumed floors, a clean mirror in the bathroom, rinse down bathrooms sinks and toilets, quick cobweb de-web and tidy kitchen counters. If I want to do extra I could but didn’t have to. It was about the bare minimum that I could manage.

And guess what, it’s enough to make me feel that my home and life isn’t spiraling out of control. I’ve also noticed that when I do this routine each Saturday my oldest boy will often complete his part of housework in his area and bathroom with his brother.

Meanwhile habit three was getting back to something I did everyday as a teenager. Putting sunscreen on each morning. What a habit! I’ve noticed I’m not having tinges of red all over my face. My skin feels better and the v neck line from shirts is slowly disappearing.

Simple but effective skin care, wear sunscreen.

Three micro habits. I could add more but frankly there have been days where I sometimes still forget to do one of these habits. Why add more when I haven’t nailed these three basic habits. Frankly, I’m okay that I only have three habits to work on. I want positive change and that takes work and setting small goals or in this case small habits to help with the bigger picture goals.

I get that these seem like small habits but, it’s often the small things that create either the chaos or smooth running. My aim is to have these habits be the bedrock for bigger and better goals that I have stashed away in my head. Just bursting to get out.

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Home Alone

This past weekend I was alone. By myself. Living the single life. Now that didn’t mean I was out partying to all hours. I had my book club gathering then came home and immediately got into my PJ’s. This past weekend became valuable down for me.

In the past I would have spent so much time ringing friends and organise to meet up with them across the weekend. Sunday came round and I had a dawning realisation. I am no longer the type of person who needs many social activities to fill my cup.

Now, I love hanging with my family. They are my best friends and we all give each other space but, to know that there is no one else in the house is bliss.

This is new to me. I never liked being myself. However after the week I had this past weekend ended up being exactly what I needed. I needed down time.

Not rest and relaxation but down time. Time to myself. Time to process all that has happened. Time to reflect and ponder. I have used this time to read, organise my sewing corner a little, just watch a movie and fall asleep when I want to. Nothing taxing and at times I just wandered off with my thoughts.

As I continue to grow up (sounds strange to say that in my mid forties) I continually surprise myself. I feel like I continue to discover parts of me. Parts of me that I didn’t think existed or I have archeologically dug up. Maybe these parts were always there laying dormant till I needed them.

I feel that 2022 may be a year of further personal discovery and growth. And frankly I’m looking forward to who I will grow up to be as I had towards fifty and beyond.

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Dance like a Kid

A few months ago my brother had his birthday. He decided he would attend River Feast. It’s our towns’ weekly open area markets that combines live music (think mini music festival) every Friday. Food stalls, local handcrafted drinks and always live music oh, and over looking our river. This night for his birthday they were only recently opened again and they had a band from down south performing.

This band was amazing. Hubby and I were ready to go with our boys when they started. And as is usual, my brother loves being down the front and right in front of the speakers. It can at times make having conversations impossible but hey it’s his birthday so he gets what he wants. But that band started and it was great.

There is nothing that beats great musicians performing live music to an enthusiastic crowd. That night they had the perfect storm. It was twilight with a gorgeous sunset and people wanted to dance. We knew all the songs and our bodies wanted to move.

Funny thing is that the adults weren’t the ones dancing just yet. It was the kids. Babies that had clearly just learnt to walk were absolutely slaying it on the dance floor. Little girls who had dressed up pretty with their sparkly shoes on twirling like there was no tomorrow. Little boys jiving their hearts out and letting the music take them away.

It took a good 15 minutes into this amazing bands set before the adults finally got from foot tapping to following the kids. Hubby and I danced like we did in our early 20’s. We felt alive and happy. There is something primal about a large group all feeling the rhythm, dancing and it all happening under clear starry night.

So I issue you my good readers to a challenge. When was the last time you danced with the pure joy of a kid? I know live music venues are hard to come by at the moment but you can still have a dance party at home! Turn that jukebox ilip to maximum volume and dance your way to happiness. I promise you will feel great, even if all you can do is dance in your kitchen.

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Valentines Day

This is not some romantic post swooning about what a wonderful, romantic filled day today is. Frankly if you can’t treasure your beloved everyday I’m not sure you deserve them.

I find that days like Valentines is more about marketing and making money. By all means please show your partner love and romance them but, it shouldn’t only be shown on a set day.

But hey, by all means please do something romantic for your loved one on this day. However challenge yourself to really think how to be romantic for your partner. What could you do that doesn’t fall into the marketing, costs money romantic gesture?

How do I know Hubby cares and is romantic to me? Well he takes care of the little things. Every morning he makes me a cup of tea and then comes to our bedroom to let me know it’s ready. Where as I will make sure he always have his favourite ginger drink ready to go at home. Besides I always love giving him hugs and sending little messages throughout the day.

I would love to hear how you show your loved one they are loved that isn’t a big Valentines romantic gesture. I know for me it’s always about the little things and I’m pretty sure for most of us it’s the little, everyday “I love you” gestures that really send our hearts a-flutter.

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And…..We’re Off…..

Today I’m back in the classroom. It felt like out of no where three weeks ago our state government simply stated “no school”. Well, not exactly no school, but remote learning for seniors from the 2nd week and all other grades are extended holidays. Although, if your parents are essential workers then students could come to school.

When I heard the news I have to admit it took me a while to process. I even got the giggles when on our pupil free days all staff were at home completing their own remote learning (all our mandatory professional development).

Then we had the “zoom” meetings. All those memes of zoom meetings actually played out for real. Staff with their cameras on when they shouldn’t be (let’s just say we may have saw weird stuff from some staff, like, I so didn’t need to look that closely at your shirt button or up your nose). Or the best parts where the internet froze at the most convenient or was that most inconvenient times of our boss.

Thing is, the part of the school I work in once again showed their team spirit. Everyone was there to support one another in any way you needed. Of course, our very unsung heroes are our teacher aides and cleaners. They didn’t get a choice, they were required at school everyday.

If nothing else comes from this pandemic, it has made me super aware of the importance of people doing their job. Not just a small group of people within a business but everyone. Our schools are kept safe by our cleaners. Our students are fed by delivery drivers who visit many different sites.

So to all those people who may feel you are some of the smallest cogs in the system, I say thank you. Without your cog working the whole system goes down. Thank you for showing up and doing your best to keep our imperfect system going. Tomorrow may be the beginning of my term but for many others your beginning happened a few weeks ago. Thanks for making my return a little easier tomorrow.

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Peace and Serenity

It amazes me every single time how much the Bush Block reconnects and recharges me. Sitting under the bush fig tree listening to the sound track that is the Australian summer. The call of the birds and the constant whirl of insects. Some sounds I know while others are a curiosity to my ears.

Every time I arrive, I ask myself “why don’t I come up more often?” Often I just can’t make it to the Bush Block due to running a household and working ridiculous hours (of which I need to cut back on!). It’s that old push pull of, if I go to the bush block then no housework gets done and I’ll have to find time midweek to do all the laundry.

Over the last few months I have decided that I will say yes more often to spending quality time out here but, frankly I need some better systems in place. This is so I don’t feel stressed when we come back from the weekend and nothing is organised and ready to go to commence the new week. I guess I’m lucky and grateful that this is even a complaint in my life.

But for now I am absorbed in the sights, sounds and smells that the Bush Block has for me. There is a gentle, cool breeze kissing my face and my youngest born is having an open conversation. The cicadas are a symphony of sound and brings pleasure to my senses. When I look up the old bush gif tree is ripe with fruit. Providing for all the animals.

Australian bush figs

At this moment there is no better place to be. Then as if by magic cattle start to arrive over the hill. This moment of pleasure will now be replaced with my family working cattle. Another pleasure in our lives. Family team work and caring for livestock. I feel such gratitude for all that we have.

The creek that runs through the middle of our Bush Block.
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Learner Sewer

For as long as I remember I’ve always wanted to sew. My mother and great-aunt were both sewers and at various times would give me little lessons. However, I was impatient and just wanted to “sew stuff”!

Years went by and I decided I was happy enough to just buy clothes or have my mum mend anything. I struggled to sew buttons on (probably more to do with laziness then ability) or re-hem items. If I could staple hems up I did. And yes I do mean stables out of stabler, but one does need a solid stabler not the cheap little ones. Just a little advice for those other non sewers like I was.

Once Hubby become ill in 2020 with the pandemic hitting, I was on leave. I soon discovered that I don’t do bored. Enter stage left, a new skill learning and a beautiful friend who gifted me her step mother in laws old fabric stash. A stash worth in the thousands, fills two massive suitcases and she was just going to throw away. I was also lucky to stumble across a fantastic Aussie YouTube channel who teaches the skills of sewing. I was on my way!

I consumed all that I could from that channel. If you are interested check out her channel Evelyn Wood. I even joined her sewing school (Vintage Sewing School is what it’s called, just giggle and join you won’t regret it). Next minute, I’ve started to plan and prep for my first ever proper skirt from an old 1980’s pattern. It didn’t even have my size but I figured out how to trace the pattern and at the same time make it bigger to fit my measurements. I even made a toile to learn and practice more. I was taking notes and being slow and methodical with my processes.

The skirt pattern.
Re-reading my instructions cause frankly some of the diagrams and words did not make sense to me.

There were times when I still had no idea what I was doing but just trusted the process. When I did the waistband I did not understand what the pattern was telling me. I followed the instructions and asked for helped on the sewing school platform then just trusted the process. I went with it and then it was like magic. The waistband came out just like the diagram and the lightbulb finally turned on.

Trusted the process and it turned out. Woot woot!

I was on a roll. I even learnt how to put a zipper in. To say I was impressed with myself is and was an understatement. I have now completed two skirts from this pattern. The second skirt I was even able to add pockets. Are they perfect. No! But are they wearable and no-one knows I made them, yes. Unless I tell them I’ve made it, which I do cause hey, why not. We should all be proud of ourselves when we learn new skills and achieve “things” we didn’t think we were capable of.

So know it’s your turn. What is a skill that you’ve always wanted to try your hand at but haven’t. Go on a challenge yourselves. As Nike states “Just do it!”

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Why do I run?

I’ve slowly come to accept that I am a runner. A label I never thought would apply to me. It certainly wasn’t an activity or sport I willing did as a child. Besides my younger brother was the “talented” track and field person in the family.

However one day Hubby Dearest came home with a bonafide work dog linage kelpie pup. As that pup grew it needed more and more activity. Our backyard wasn’t fenced so that growing pup needed to be exercised.

Let’s just say after a physical day Hubby Dear wasn’t taking the dog for kilometres on end walkies.

Biddy became my run buddy. Together we learnt how to run. For her it was all about running on a leash and sitting whenever we had to cross roads and to not run up to people. She’s a big kelpie and all red so for some it freaked them out when she ran full tilt up to them for pats.

For me it was a journey of realising I can run. I can run long distances. I can run distances and get better times each time.

I now run twice a week with a friend where we solve the problems of the world. I run for my mental health and my physical health. Especially my physical as I become an adult with asthma (something I never realised one could develop in adulthood!)

Unfortunately Biddy is no longer my running buddy. Her hips are going and she is completely deaf. I will run with the rest of our Kelpie pack but I look like a mad woman with 5 kelpies all over the place. Lucky we live out of town so my biggest issue is making sure they don’t chase the hares or the cows in the paddocks.

However, my why I run has never really changed. Evolved over the years, yes, but the reasons are the same. I am a runner and that has been a powerful realisation for me.

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Comrades or Work Wives….

I know I have spoken in previous blogs about my job. For anyone new, I’m a teacher. I’ve taught instrumental music to classroom music, primary school and for the last 10 plus yearS high school.

I can not say this loudly enough, my best teaching experiences have come when I’ve had the best people to work with. And yes, some times those people have become my work wives/husbands. These were people who I was able to have those big belly laughs with, who supported and participated in all my crazy ideas and who ultimately pushed me to be better than I am. Plus underneath all that have my very best interests at heart (like a wife/husband does).

This year I have found myself with so much incredible support. I have a teaching partner who is amazing. I can honestly say I’ve never had some one who is so in synch with me and pushes me to do better, yet also celebrates our wins for our students.

I even have bosses who push me in a positive way and trust in my work. Most importantly, I have a colleague who is a dear friend. Who is so part of my families ‘village’, is also helping to raise my boys. All these amazing people that I currently have in my work life, help my work life be such a rich and enjoyable tapestry. Can I also say, my work relations makes coming home easier for my actual husband who doesn’t have to listen to all the boring details of my job.

These people haven’t been my first patchwork quilt of comrades and hopefully they won’t be my last. However, I thank them for ‘keeping me sane’. Work relationships and friendships you have at work, always help your job run that little smoother. I know for me those friendships and relationships have made a tough job that little bit easier and certainly helps teaching students a job worthwhile.

The little notes given to one another, coffee made with love (that’s the chocolate on top) by each other and flowers grown by colleagues and given as gifts.
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Family Dinners

So, question…..who actually enjoys preparing and cooking family dinners? I know there are a wide variety of opinions on this particular meal of the day. One only needs to look on Facebook for large swaths of people who have created groups just to this one meal. Everything from fussy eaters to budget dinners to help, I haven’t gone grocery shopping what could I make with this bunch of random ingredients.

Personally for me, I don’t mind it. I’m happy to whip something up, and by whip up, I do mean sometimes I’m that person asking myself “now what could I do with 2 minute noodles to make it less like a uni dinner and more a family meal…..hmmmmmm…….”.

What I prefer for family dinners is that I’m prepared. I do best when I have some idea about what we will eat for a full week. I hate having done a full day at work and then, when I arrive home at 6pm go, “what will I cook now?” That is the pits! However, in the past 12 months or so I have made sure my boys can now cook at least one family meal to perfection (and no, I’m not being biased, their dinners are amazing and they invite the extended family and friends out without me knowing about it!). I guess I made sure they have a signature dish. Part of my contribution to society when my boys leave our nest.

I guess I’m one of the lucky few that enjoys cooking. Happy to cook dinners and breakfast and even lunch, just don’t ask me to do packed school lunches. They are the bane of my existence. I hate packing school lunches! I’m thinking that might be for another post.

My favourite for family dinners is when I have freezer cooked. It’s way better food frozen and ready to go, not like some of that interesting frozen food from the frozen food aisle. Nasty looking and tasting some of those meals! What I like the most about family dinners is when we sit down together as a family.

I guess that’s my why. Husband Dear and I have always, even before our children, sat for a family meal. Its the time when everyone is able to talk and decompress and express themselves and how their day went. So if it’s a fancy roast dinner to a fancy 2 minute noodles it’s not about the cooking but about the “breaking bread” together. That’s my why, so what’s your why?

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Biddy

I remember when Husband Dear first bought home this tiny red fluff ball of a kelpie puppy. She was about 6 weeks old, maybe 7, and was a gift to our oldest boy as a 2nd birthday present. Yes, we were that family that gifted our son his first ever dog.

Now the puppy was part of a plan. I was about 2 months away from giving birth to our 2nd child. We thought a puppy would be a great way for him to learn how to treat a living ‘thing’ gently. It was the best thing we could have done. He loved her so well and gently.

Of course, he wasn’t really ever left alone with her either. She was our first family pet. Even for my Husband, who had always had working dogs, he had never really had one as pet. This dog become my running buddy. It was she, that made me ‘learn’ and become interested as a runner. Remember, she was a kelpie and had come from working stock. We had no fence and she need exercise! Lets just say I become pretty good at running as I took her morning and night.

She become bomb proof with 2 little boys always around. She was kind and gentle and just wanted someone to pat her. Her tactic was to sit next to you and place her head on your thigh. Perfect height that you automatically started to pat her. She also never came inside unless you invited her. My mother was the one that taught her to play ball. To the point that she was always focused on a ball. It has now left her with worn teeth from always playing ball and chewing on said ball as she bought it back to you.

Her antics continued even when we moved to our new place on the river. She finally had cows to bark at. Her contribution, with the rest of our working dogs is to be the rah rah, cheer squad to keep them excited and working hard. Even now, with dodgy hips she will still rah rah if she gets the chance around our little block. She refuses to come with us to the big block (bad memories of getting left behind unfortunately) these days.

That was 13 years ago now. About 3 months ago she stopped being my running partner. I still feel a little sad about no longer having her while I run. Her hips were too sore for me to pick her up into the car for my 5:30am runs with my buddy. She hasn’t been able to jump into a car for the last year or so.

Even now she will still just want to be with you and still place her head on your thigh to automatically pat her. Her hearing is gone and her hips are going the same way, but she is still our Biddy. Our first family pet dog.

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Rites of Passage

The other week a friend asked if I could take photos of her children at their senior formal (for other parts of the world this is known as prom).Lets just say I was nervous. Actually lets be real, I was petrified! These were photos to mark a tremendous point in time for the family, a rite of passage marked as a celebration for ending high school.

Well I managed to do it without stuffing up, but the whole event got me thinking. What are this generations Rite’s of Passages? Not only what are their rites of passage, but are those rites of passage any different for each generation?

Does each generation just tweak the previous generations ideals to modernize or to put their own mark on it? If nothing else, taking photos of my friends children at their senior formal, had me think fondly of my formal. The excitement in the lead up and the next chapter of my life.

It also made me reflect on what rites of passage my own children will have. For one thing a senior formal means completing high school. Something at least one of my children will struggle to do. Not that he will be a high school drop out, but will instead start his career path early with an apprenticeship. His rite of passage will be completion of an apprenticeship, which will probably be a bigger impact for him than a senior formal. And a rite of passage which I will be so proud of for him!

The idea of him not having a senior formal makes me sad, however this rite of passage is meant to be for him. His own path to explore and discover and for us as parents to assist and guide him through. Eventually he will have his own rites of passage that I will not be apart of but merely a spectator. However, I have started to think that some rites of passage aren’t just important for the students, but also for the parents.

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Growing Up

Sunday marked the birthday of my youngest son. He turned the big 13. Two months ago our eldest son turned 15. I remember giving birth and people saying to me “cherish every moment as they grow up quick”.

At the time I was pretty blasé about that comment. Both boys were so little and time didn’t feel like it was moving fast enough. Besides I was excited at what would happen next. What would they achieve as they got older, when would they walk and talk? How were they going to develop from tiny babies to toddlers, childhood teenagers to adult?

Just chilling with some bulls. Cause that’s how my boys roll

Well, I can’t answer the question of what will happen in the future but I do have wonderful memories of them growing up so far. My boys have taught me so much, especially about boys.

My Baby Boy is caring and oh so huggable. He always has a warm smile and a twinkle in his eye. As he grows into himself I hope he never loses that. My eldest boy is also caring but not as huggable, he has a quick wit and a sense of humour. He will say the craziest things and leave you wondering if that is true or not, and generally it is.

What I do know about boys is that each boy grows up differently. Oldest Boy and Baby Boy do have some cross overs, however even those are somehow unique to them. Currently both are sleeping lots then they wake and they’ve grown some. It’s like they are babies in another trimester but it’s like a 4th or 5th mester! They go to sleep and grow another 10cm taller!

Baby Boy is a gamer which drives us nuts. Let’s just say I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the arguments regarding that hobby! Nor the steep and constant learning curve he still hasn’t learnt concerning what is ‘free’ on the internet. As a family we have had and no doubt will continue to have conversations about app purchasing!

Even with the frustrations of parenting and children learning to grow up, all I can say is they are right and have a place in the world. As soon as your children are born you love them fiercely and unconditionally. That will never stop.

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Rituals

Every morning Husband Dear and I always sit and have our morning cuppa, together. Before the cuppa the dogs are let out. This happens every morning. If this routine is missed or messed around with, it gives a weird vibe to the rest of the day!

Every morning we sit and look at this view over our cuppa.

My rituals and that of my family give me great comfort each day. There is a simple joy and gratefulness that these simple daily acts bring to ones life. I even know how early or late I am based on when I pass our smiling, big waving local primary school bus driver. That lady always puts a smile on my face.

Once at school my rituals continue to ground me. Those rituals have even extended to the “wellbeing” of my colleagues as we gather around the coffee machine and chat. Chat about our day ahead, what happened yesterday and just generally catching up. It may not look like much but when it doesn’t happen it throws a lot of people out of sorts. How do I know? Because many of them tell me.

I always thought of the word ritual as a religious thing. The older I get the more I have learnt that ritual isn’t about religion. Spiritual, yes, but not necessarily religious.

As I continue to grow and learn, my rituals have become an important part of my life. I never realised how many different rituals I had or was apart of during the course of my day, unless I miss one. I have come to realise our daily rituals, no matter how simple or small they are can give our lives a purpose. Have you ever stopped and thought about why rituals are important to you and your family? Or what daily acts do you do everyday, and if they don’t happen throws you for a six?

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Gratefulness

It’s been twelve months since Husband Dear became extremely ill. If that wasn’t stressful enough it all had to happen when the pandemic hit and we were in lock down. However, after twelve months I’ve continually reflected on what happened

As a family we became a stronger unit. I love that my children are capable boys. Their academics may not be top notch but I no longer worry about how that system measures them. I know they are smart and I know they can look after themselves and others. Our trial of illness and pandemic effects showed me just how capable my children are.

I discovered how deep I can go to keep on going. What I realised about myself is that giving up doesn’t seem to be in my vocabulary. It’s not that I don’t consider giving up, it’s just that it never occurs to me. I’m still deciding if that is a good thing or not.

What I am truely grateful for from the pandemic first impacting our lives, is that we became brave enough to take that final leap. The leap for Husband Dear to fully commit to farming cattle. Since the day I met him he has wanted to return to his roots of farming.

I am so thankful that I have such an amazing job. A job that at times I have desperately wanted to walk away and give up but, I keep going back to. A job that I have come to realise is my passion. I love teaching and it allows me the freedom of finance and time. Not always bucket loads of time but more time than most professions. This job allows us for Husband Dear to farm, for my boys to continue to develop their independence and gives me a deep sense of satisfaction.

There many other aspects of my life that I too am grateful for. And I guess the pandemic was very much a silver lining for us. Twelve months later and I am still discovering so much about myself and my family. For me it starts with what I am thankful for. So what are you thankful for?

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Connecting to Community

Over the course of my teaching career I have come across many different people and have worked in many different educational areas and towns. I have learnt something from all of it. Sometimes the lessons were learnt long after the fact but, learn and grow from it I did. So I’d like to ask you all a question and, please, take the time to truely reflect and give some time to think about your answer.

What do you do to truely be apart of your community? Your work community, hobby groups, your kids sports or school or any other pursuits you are involved in.

In recent years I have released how important it is to give back. To give back professional, to my children’s school, and within my larger community.

Some years ago I was asked to join my kids school P&C (parents and citizens). What I discovered was that participating and giving my time to this organisation, gave me a great sense of connectedness, purpose and also of comradery. I, with other people who I never meet or knew before joining the P&C, were making a difference for all the children at school. A person can only feel that deep satisfaction and purpose when they freely give. Now don’t get me wrong, there were times when I didn’t want to go to the meetings or was busy and just didn’t want to! But, I was so glad I pushed myself and I know helped make difference.

Working at one of the school fundraisers. This was part of afternoon tea that a friend I had catered for as part of P&C.

Within my teaching career, I have realised how important it is to give back to colleagues and undergraduates. As much as I felt at times that I was going it alone, I always had older teachers with a wealth of knowledge giving me a simple guiding hand. That could have been from a small comment of praise, a hint on what to do or where to find information or just listening to me. I realise now that I am becoming that teacher with a wealth of experience and knowledge and it is my turn to provide that guiding hand.

Recent years I always make time to seek out and be that friendly face to new staff, (either graduate or transfer teachers but also auxiliary staff) to my school. it’s not hard to just smile, introduce yourself and ask if they are okay. It makes them feel great and amazingly you also feel great.

I know at times it’s easier to just go home, lay on the couch and scroll on a device. Especially if you are feeling tired, grumpy and stressed. But I can not emphasise how much joining my various communities in a deeper way has helped with all areas of my health. Especially with my mental health! By joining in and giving freely, you never know but you may just make a new friend.

My Family and a beautiful bunch of ladies I meet at my gym. Giving deeper connections resulted in my finding and developing 4 new friends who have given me so much advice and help around so many different things.
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Photo Op….

So today I thought I would share some of my photos I took recently on a walk around my home town. I have always wanted to learn photography and now I try to make the time for photos. I also can’t thank my good friend who also helps with all the technical stuff around either my SLR camera or talk through the composition of taking a good photo. If you ever get the chance to join a walk around your local town with a camera jump at the chance. It was so lovely to see my town the through the lens of a camera.

Wild amaranth and a bee 🐝
The gorgeous under side of our old bridge. Old bridges are so beautiful in their form and functionality.
I was a little fascinated with line and trying to draw the viewers eye some where. Also I was just taken with the difference of this little ally.
Our beautiful post office in our Main Street. Upstairs is stunning the the view from that verendah is gorgeous.
Aspects of my home life. I love where I live. The sunrises and sunsets are so beautiful. And there is nothing better then a cuppa overlooking my river!

If there is a hobby you have always wanted to purse I urge you, go and take the plunge. I have learnt so much from the internet, YouTube, Pinterest and Facebook groups and of course my real life friends I see.

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Man Happiness

The last 2 and a bit years my Darling Husband has managed to achieve a new level of “excitement”, “winning” and absolute pure “joy”. How has he achieved this you may ask? Well it all started after we sold our suburban home and moved to our current property.

We moved to our new 20 acre digs about 6 years ago and within 3 months of settling in we had been gifted a few head of cattle. Now the history of those cattle are for another post but, those 8 head of cattle got him looking on the internet for more land. Eventually he found (for a ridiculously small sum of money) what would become our Bush Block.

The creek that runs (when we get enough rain) through the middle of our Bush Block.

This Bush Block has given him the will to live (seems an extreme idea but considering how sick he was in 2020 it was driving force). This place was what drove him to not give up and rethink his purpose and return to his true calling…..Farming. Or better yet Grazier!

Fixing the machinery with the “supervisors” looking on.

Now his joy and childish excitement did not stop there. Oh no! Now he needed motor bikes, portable cattle yards, cattle truck and many other heavy duty machinery. 2019 he got himself, well I got him as a birthday present a 6 tonne digger. Insert Tim the Toolman Taylor grunting. This of course has lead to him purchasing extra bits and bobs for it so he can do more with it. After the success of the digger he managed to score himself as a Christmas present a bulldozer and saw mill!

My Husband is currently leading 2021 like a kid who has been let lose in candy shop with no adult supervision. It does not help that his father recently gave him this pearl of wisdom “A man with no gear gets nothing done!” I’m sure you can imagine where conversations have led since that statement.

The digger!
The bulldozer. If you want to see it in action check out his YouTube channel “Mountain Block Moments”

Let’s just say that Husband Dear is slowly getting his heavy duty gear and I for one am expecting a lot to get done. Especially as he his now a man with the gear!

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Peace on the River

We purchased our river place nearly seven years ago. It has given us such pleasure and a sense of peace. There is nothing like waking up and, with your morning cuppa sit and view the river. It’s during the quiet early morning that one can witness the diversity of wildlife that the river calls to.

I never realised how important our morning ritual actually is. If Hubby and I go anywhere for some period of time all we want to do is be back by our river.

Living here has given us the chance to provide so many opportunities for our boys. They’ve played in the river, experimented with fishing (the joys and frustrations) and played on all sorts of different “boats”. Our Oldest learnt how to row a row boat. Not any easy task to get the hang of.

However after seven years of living here, I finally took the plunge and purchased a SUP. I love it. Why had I not purchased one sooner! I get to experience the river in another way. A way I haven’t before.

“Minty” my SUP board

There is nothing better than paddling down the river at twilight and next minute a lungfish has popped up to take a breath. My river is one of the very few places to have this ancient fish. Eel like but much larger in girth, it takes a gulp of air then twists around and descends. A magical creature when one encounters it.

To witness such an ancient creature in the quiet on a SUP is amazing. Then all of sudden fish are jumping and turtles pop their head up for air. It has only been while paddling on my SUP that I have been able to further immerse myself in all the river has to offer.

I thank my lucky stars everyday that we were able to purchase our home on the river. I could never have believed how much peace and comfort I derive from home. This is where I have been able to raise my family and share all my crazy dreams with Hubby.

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Pass Words…..

You’ve entered the incorrect password or log on details. Have you forgotten?

This message is the bane of my existence. Especially when it’s popping up on my youngest sons electrical device. And it’s always his device followed by a close second with Darling Husband and First Born Son.

I even have a black book (and yes it is actually black) that has log on and password details. I know that you aren’t supposed to keep a record of log ons and passwords but gee! Come on! Who feels that they no longer can store any more information in their brain?

So the other weekend saw us as a family having to purchase another two laptops for the boys (it’s a school thing) which you guessed it…….more passwords.

It also meant setting up said laptops and then linking with the school. More passwords. Eventually we got it all working but, I’m sooooo over passwords. At least my boys are developing their own pattern for remembering them so one day soon I’m hoping I don’t need to anymore. But I think not, I think I will be forever trying to remember passwords and fix the password issues.

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2020….

I know I’m a little late to the party wishing everyone a Happy New Year, however I decided to take a break. No blogs or social media and just breath over my Christmas/New Year period.

But what a year 2020 was! And what a start to 2021. Really those few words hardly encapsulate what some have been through. I know for my family we had it harder than others, but I also know that many others had it far worse than us. Now this isn’t a post to compete on who had it worse, but instead I want share some lessons and reflections from 2020.

When medical disaster struck Hubby we were lucky that we had such fantastic medical support. Especially at the height of our State’s pandemic response in April. I was always just behind the restrictions easing. When Hubby first landed in hospital, that morning the restrictions had eased to one visitor. However QLD Health and our private specialists started to embrace phone conferencing. We had been asking if this was possible for for the last 5 years! Thank you pandemic for getting our medical team to fully embrace that technology.

Even before the pandemic I had already “pulled” my oldest from school to home educate him. Once Hubby become sick I also did the same for my younger son. We spent 2020 as a family learning together. I do not regret home educating either of my sons, however 2021 looks like they will return to an education institution called school. What I enjoyed most about the home education experience was getting to know my boys at a deeper level as they head into their teenage years. Once both boys realised their day looked oh so different from a school day, they were able to fully persuade their own interests. Both boys enjoy cooking and now cook one evening meal a week each. I discovered how wickedly funny both my boys are but in different ways. I would never have got that experience without having had the pandemic hit nor if Hubby hadn’t become as sick as he did.

2020 showed me the generosity, support and true friendships I have in my life. I always knew my boss was a generous and supportive man, but when illness took hold over my family he was able to give me all the time off I needed and then some. For that I will be eternally gratefully and thankful for. My colleagues were amazing and friends and family were always on hand for whatever we needed.

As terrible as 2020 was I am so thankful for all that happened. As a result my family is stronger, developed greater resilience and far greater focus on what we want from our lives. So thank you 2020, I will always remember the lessons that were taught and continue to strive forward with all that 2021 will bring. I hope that you are able to look back on 2020 and realise that there was lot on offer from that year for all of us.

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Take that chance….

A number of years ago I said to a friend, “I think I’d like to write little essays on things I’ve learnt and stuff”. Her reply was one of enthusiasm and that’s as far as that idea went. Blogging didn’t even occur to me and certainly never on the internet! Well fast forward 10 years and Husband Dear become ridiculously ill and I ended up on extended leave. I found out that I don’t do well with no work. So that seed of an idea was finally getting the right conditions to germinate.

I got excited. Then I started asking lots of questions, and of course I went to the fountain of all knowledge my local library for research. Also online research to back up or expand what I read. I was going to join the ranks of bloggers and go across some social media platforms.

For me this was scary stuff. I was actually going to have to put myself out there. Authentically put myself out there and take ownership on what and how I wanted to say and show. For the first time in a long time I started to feel creative energy come back to me. I was excited and scared!

I didn’t realise how much “stuff” there was about social media accounts or doing WordPress. How does one do all this? So I did what I always do, become a small child and push buttons. Button pushing monkey is usually what I refer to myself in these situations. And whadya know! Pushing buttons got me to where I needed to be. I got a blog and was across three social media platforms I was comfortable on.

However this new found confidence didn’t stop there! An acting promotional role came up where I work. I decided to take another chance on me. I got the help of a friend cause I’ll be honest I suck at writing to selection criteria. She helped me and I realised if I removed myself from the cringeworthy ego of it all (sorry I find selection criteria ego driven and cringeworthy) then I was able to write.

I guess all I’m saying is that if you have that seed of an idea don’t worry if it takes 10 years for it to find the right conditions to germinate. But you will need to have the courage to take that leap of faith. You never know you may discover a new passion or job and in the process discover a new found confidence. As 2020 draws to its enviable end what will you take a chance on for yourself?

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Ethos, Creed or Guiding Principle……

The last few years I’ve started to think deeply about who I want to be. Not what people think about me but actually who or how I want to live my life. I’m not sure if it’s a sign I’m getting older or a response to experiences over the last few years. I think it may be a little of column A and a little of column B.

2020 has been a big year for our family with Hubby’s medical issues. It has made me consciously consider how I want to live life with authenticity and integrity. Which has lead me to the idea of a manifesto for my own life.

Now I’m not sure if many of you have ever thought about a manifesto or having your own motto or guiding principle. It all seems, pardon the French but a little wanky. Maybe you already do and don’t even realise it!

Anne’s Life Ethos:

> Be kind. Yes cliche but I’ve realised so many are not kind to themselves or to each other. Also my father always said “never burn your bridges cause you may need them when you come back” so if we are unkind to others that’s a form of bridge burning.

> I love being married. Husband dear is always there for me as I for him. We were and still are friends first and foremost. When you find that someone don’t treat them with snide remarks or mockery. Plenty of others will do that so be there for each other. Build each other up positively. It really is lovely to come home to some one who cares deeply for you.

> My job as a parent is to make sure my children become functioning members of society. That means they know how to work, be respectful and can give back when it is their time. How I do this isn’t always to current societies norms but, I think it will all be okay in the end.

> Play. Play games with others, play in the surf or have fun in a river. Play with your friends. Yes play sounds odd when your 40 something or 30 or 50 something but gee it’s fun! It gives you a laugh and you get to hang out with friends and family for a laugh.

> Look after my land. I have finally started to acknowledge and curiously starting to jump into deeper knowledge around my countries Indigenous people’s way of connecting to country. It also aligns greatly with permaculture principles which I love. I want to learn to grow and cook with indigenous foods and repair damage done to the land that I live on from previous generations.

> Live simply with gratitude for all that I have. I look around where I live and what I have a realise how lucky I am. Husband dear and I have worked hard for this lifestyle we are creating and I love it.

> Work hard. I really do love teaching. It may not be the same profession that I started in and yes change in some areas has been needed and appreciated. But I do love to do a good job. Plus I want to show with doing to my children (like my parents did for me) that doing a good job is worthwhile and needed.

I know many of my little things seem cliche but after all I have gone through this year it has really made me pause and think. Home life and work are important to me and yes we could talk work life balance till the cows come home, but sometimes the pendulum does swing further to one side to the other. And you know what…..that’s okay. As long as you see it and make sure it swings back.

So how do you want to live your life? I would love to hear what is important to others.

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Stop! Reflect and Balance

I recently wrote about being busy. Well I unfortunately fell down that rabbit hole. My only saving grace was that I knew it and did not try to out do anyone in how busy I’d been. My work life balance had tipped to far into work.

The last few weeks has seen me jump hard and deep down that rabbit hole of work. Against my own ideals of setting boundaries within myself of down time or I should say time for own interests. I raced back to work thinking I would be able to just pick those horse reins up and gallop away like I did before my leave. I was wrong. Very, very, very wrong!!

Remembering to enjoy simple things like my garden

I become hard on myself for not meeting my own high expectations. Not keeping pace with work and all that I wanted to achieve. All those extra bits and bobs I take on on top of my usual duties. Then I would think about all I hadn’t done in my private life and the disappointment continued to just roll over me. Its all such cyclic nonsense of busy!

So what helped me turn it around to stop falling into that pit of despair? Forgiveness. One simple word but one tough act and mindset to pull off. What propelled me to forgive myself was a chance encounter with a fellow colleague. It was while talking with him about a student and he kept heading off on side tangents about other students. What’s more, every tangent he went off, he wanted information from me when I had been on leave. I left his office feeling distressed and desolate. Like it was my fault for not knowing when I wasn’t there.

Family games night helps to reconnect with the most important people

I allowed myself a mental health day to regroup. I remembered something my boss said about the work will still be there tomorrow. I remembered how I wanted to change the balance of my life. I took time to breath. I allowed myself to sit of a morning and reconnect with my husband. I jog and solve the problems of the world with my running buddy. I garden. I wander my yard bare foot checking on plants and listening to the bees. I continue to connect with people at work over coffee or a quick chat. I give thanks and tell people their smile is beautiful or they look fabulous. I let people know when they’ve done awesome things. And you know what……my work volume increased and stress level decreased. Space between work and life gives both a chance to thrive and survive.

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list”

Michelle Obama, former First Lady
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Argh…..I’m So Busy…

That catch phrase…..I’m so busy…….

We all wear it like a badge of honour. I’m so busy with…….and then we all give a long laundry list of all the business we have to do. Then the next person tries to out do the laundry list of business. However the tone of voice is always one of going out in sympathy with each other but edged with competition.

Sorry, but I am going to burst peoples bubble. To be “I’m so busy” is not a badge of honour. Let me just repeat that cause I think this is really important, “I’m so busy” is NOT a badge of honour.

Over recent years I’ve started to realise that “I’m so busy” is just an excuse. Especially if it’s used to defend why you haven’t indulged in your hobbies or it is interfering with family time. Or worst yet, in my opinion, used as a defence to prioritise what isn’t important in your life.

Do stop and smell the roses

Now I know this may sound preachy but if there is one thing that drove home to me deeply during this 2020 pandemic was, the business will always be there tomorrow. But to enjoy my veg patch, learning how to stand up paddle board or practice my photography skills or even starting this blog would not have happened if I continued with the “I’m so busy” mentality. I am busy, but busy pursuing things that interest me.

I’m busy going back to old hobbies. Busy being with my family. Busy taking joy in my work because I’m allowing myself to be busy in my own joyful pursuits. Yes after years of whinging and complaining about my job I have come full circle back to loving and enjoying my job.

This weekend in a long while I stayed at home. I went no where. I stopped. I wasn’t busy. I actually watched TV. I potted around the yard, had a nanna nap, read, baked and did some housework. I allowed myself to not feel busy and in the process still did heaps but with out the rushing here and there.

So I’m going to throw out a challenge. What business could you do less of? What busy could you do that was purposeful and brings you joy? I would love to hear from you all on this topic. let’s try to get back to what we all want to do, and lose the badge of honour of “I’m so busy”.

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Who has the blankets??

So I’m pretty sure most couples whether married, engaged or long term has an inkling of what I may discuss next.

Imagine it’s nighttime and after a long hard day all you want to do is get comfy for Mr Sandman. Now after being with my husband for just on 20 years I have a particular night time ritual.

He tells me it’s like trying to fall asleep next to a cat. He’s version of events for me falling asleep involves me going round and round to get the right indent on my side of the mattress. There may or may not be a little scratching involved and pillow puffing and flipping.

I then must have sheets pulled tight and covering me least the monster from under the bed may touch me. We all know that if you hang a foot or hand over the edge something may touch it in the middle of the night. You know I’m right! There are things that will go bump in the night, especially if you deliberately hang your foot or hand off the side of the bed.

If you’re not tucked in right, stuff might get you!

Now once I have gone through my routine my Husband will inevitably mess it up. He loves to push the blankets to me as he rolls to the right. He always has his left leg above the sheets and somehow the sheets for him never go above his chest. Then he does this strange thing with his feet which pulls the blankets further down to the foot of the bed.

Thing is, he’s the one that then complains that I have stolen all the sheets or blankets. That man has no idea how to maintain even bedding coverage on his side of the bed. Nights when he is away sees me barley move on my side. And when I wake up in the morning I have the same amount of bedding I went to sleep with. I know for a fact that never happens to him.

Frankly I just don’t understand. I don’t get how one person can move sheets all around and then thinks I’ve stolen them!!! Apparently my Husband believes that the issue is all with me. That it is I that steals all the bedding. Does anyone else have these nightly bedding problems? If so what has been your solution?

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My First True Love Affair

When I was 8 I begged my Mum to let me join the instrumental music program at school. I wanted nothing more than to be able to play the violin. I was told, like I had been told many times previous, that I would be able to learn the piano when I turned 10. I have to admit it was such a torment having my great-grandmother’s upright piano in our formal lounge just sitting there and I couldn’t play it. Sometimes one of my grandmothers would play old dance hall music when she came over, and this would continued to make me want to learn to learn.

Not my Great-Grandmother’s piano but a baby grand that my children learn on.

Time went by (as it often does) and I was able to start piano lessons. A lovely old dear who was a spinster in her 60’s or 70’s (who knew except as a 10 year old she was extremely old to me). However through my early teenage years I continued to hound my mother to let me learn the violin. That was the instrument I so desperately wanted to play. When I was 15 I was finally given the green light. My mother took me to a violin teacher. Except as is the way of the world, that teacher introduced me to a different string instrument. This instrument was the viola.

I still remember when I first heard the melodious, rich, deep sounds of the viola. The power behind that sound! I instantly fell in love with that sound. We were in my music teachers parents house. She had only just moved back to town. My mother and I were crammed into a little side room with a couch, lots of music piled everywhere, a piano, instruments strategically balanced atop of sheet music and a cat that wandered in and out. All of my music teachers have had cats. And not just any breed of cat but always a Siamese or Burmese cat, sometimes both.

I worked hard at my chosen instrument and was able to achieve a standard high enough that 18 months after starting I went through the audition process for university. I wanted to study music and as pipe dreams go, I wanted to finish and then only play in orchestra’s that did Disney music soundtracks. Lets just say that I accomplished one of those dreams, that being my Bachelor of Music.

My Viola from when I was 17. Her name is Heather.

Once I left university I was hired to be an Instrumental Music Teacher, with my first permanent job in the small country town of Goondiwindi. A place where I learnt many things. Like learning how to do my job and finding love. That Love grew to be my Darling Husband. What I have learnt is that if you truely want to do something then you have to push and shove and be that dog with a bone. If I hadn’t been given the opportunity to have heard the “sales pitch” from those Instrument Music Teachers, then my life would be very different.

So let me ask you all something, what was the one thing from childhood that never left you? Did you pursue your idea or love affair? Truely, my need to make music has led me to many amazing experiences. Not all related to music but the music took me there. Whether that was new places, experiences or thoughts and feelings. I have truely been blessed. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for that first love affair when I was 8 for making music, I would not be who I am today.

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What do you mean I have to go back to work!

This week sees me step back into my school and classroom. It will have been seven months since I last taught my kids, and about six months since I’ve actually had to work. It wasn’t that I had applied for leave to have wonderful adventures holidaying around the place. I was granted special leave due to the pandemic for my Husband’s illness with numerous hospital admissions and various medical appointments. After such a long leave of absence I’m anxious and nervous and excited about my return.

Nothing yet everything has changed within my work space. There has been some minor policy and procedural changes happen but, when you aren’t there for those changes, then those changes seem a lot bigger. I know I will get the hang of them but I guess change of any kind is like that, scary and unsettling . As much as we don’t always want to admit it, we are all creatures of habit. If you watch enough of nature it has its own rhythms and patterns which is its routine. When it is interrupted or changed then it too requires a period of adjustment. This shows if it flourishes and thrives or slowly wilts, stagnates or dies. I really hope that I am not the latter but the former.

What I am looking forward to is all the new crazy ideas I have had brewing in my head. How did I end up with so many ideas? Well, I was able to give them oxygen and fuel to go from a tiny spark to full fledge fire in my brain. I never thought I would say this but I have actually missed all my kids. Their strange little quirks and way of looking at life. I have one kid who I call my Rainman cross Sheldon Cooper. Let’s just say he’s challenging but also so rewarding to work with. He’s a fantastic reminder of how awesome kids truly are.

I have already started to plan what I will wear and what I will be packing myself for lunch. Silly I know, but as the old saying goes if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. So I move the anxiety and fear out of my head and focus on my new ideas, seeing all my kids again and making sure I have a plan A, plan B and plan C and something to eat that I enjoy for lunch.

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My Backyard

These past few weeks have seen some action around my backyard. My pump from the river is working again so my lawn has started to come back to a green colour. Spring has sprung and the bird life is better than any TV viewing.

Early morning and the wonderful sounds of bird calls.

Husband Dear has finally finished the new chicken coop tractor with assistance from the two boys. The coop is a beast of a thing. All made from recycled timber that has been laying around the yard. My yard is being tidied and not looking so much like a junk heap. This means that the vegetable boxes are now back to being mine. Until the chicken tractor they had been living in my enclosed vegetable garden. I now have those garden boxes back and the whole section is fenced, so no moo cows can eat like they are at a Vegas buffet.

I’ve started to trim the tall trees and parts of the orchard. I have the soil being slowly prepped there to commence a food forest. Something I’ve been dreaming about since the day I heard of such a thing. Since moving to my 100 year old house on 20 acres on the river; I have fallen deeply into the cult of perma-culture. As far as cult’s go, it’s a pretty good one!

Husband Dear has ordered, and we should have in the next month or so a saw mill. This should see us starting to mill our own timber from the Bush Block and build a large shed. It is also hoped that when my kitchen is done I will have native Australian hardwood tops from timber that has been felled from our bush block for fire breaks.

I really enjoy my yard. I love where I live. I never dreamt that I would enjoy gardening as much as I do now that I live here. I have seen so many different and wonderful sights from my yard. There is nothing better than watching a flock of Little Black Cormorant flying just above the river in a V formation. Landing and diving to catch fish. To swim in the river in our front yard and have a Lungfish come up for a breath next to you. Scary as, but then you realise how lucky you are. My yard has shown me that nature is special and that I too am apart of it. Not above, or below, but apart of it.

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Pay it Forward – Acts of Kindness

Earlier this year I experienced how humbling it can be when people come together to help, love and support you. Especially when the chips are down and you are focused on your own little bubble of burdens. Then magically you receive a card and a gift basket of various odds and ends, friends old and new sending texts and calling. For me I found this so humbling and feelings of being so very blessed.

I have always been a big believer in either doing acts of kindness of paying it forward. For years I have witnessed people who maybe feeling a little down or, they themselves are going through a rough patch. I have either offered my ears and a cuppa, a care package stocked full of all the things they love or simply given them a hug. Usually it depended on the person as to what they would appreciate, need or want. Not everyone appreciates a care package when all they need and want is a hug or a cuppa and cake at a cafe.

Truly paying it forward gives both the giver and receive such positive feelings. I have always enjoyed trying to make a persons day or their rough patch just a little brighter. What I don’t like is usually them knowing it was from me. I like being anonymous in my care packages of paying it forward. Why? Well, it’s not about me. I’m not doing it for the accolades or the thank you from the person. It is truly meant as a kindness to the person. A way of saying, someone see’s you and sees the pain or suffering or sadness that you are going through.

My challenge to you all is how could you pay it forward? What little acts of kindness could you spread to another? Pay it forward or acts of kindness do not need to cost you anything. The biggest cost to you is your time that you have given to see the person and time taken to give your kindness.

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Retreat or RandR?

Today see’s Husband Dear going in for his annual colonoscopy. It’s an annual thing these days and has been for the last 5-6 years. A week before the procedure he goes on the white bread and chicken diet and as a family we try and join in solidarity.

This time though saw us head to the Bush Block three days before the procedure. It always amazes me how the place becomes such a retreat for myself and the boys. The boys go exploring and have built themselves hide outs and a shooting range, while Husband Dear jumps on his machine to clear lantana or push some tracks or fix our dams.

This 2000 acres has become so much more than just our simple Bush Block. It is our place for rest and relaxation, a property we are slowly raising cattle on as another income stream. In our times of doctor and hospital appointments a retreat for our souls, emotional well-being and a place to come together as a family.

As the weekend came to an end and we headed to the big smoke of Brisbane the worry and anxiety are not as heightened due to some camp fire action, the embrace of the mountains and good ‘ol fashioned adventures at our Bush Block.

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Dear Athenaeum,

Oh be still my beating heart. What can I say…….the library. A place of wonder, excitement and for me pure unadulterated joy. You walk in and the place is abuzz. Quietly of course but still there is a buzz. I always manage to bump into someone long forgotten and we catch up.

From youth to now, I have seen a massive shift and change of a library’s function. No longer just a place for books but for all types of community engagement. I have to admit I was excited when a coffee machine pop up took over in a corner. Coffee and a biscuit (with proceeds going back to a local organisation) after pursuing a book to read. Or meet a friend for cuppa then grab a book or CD or DVD or that game for a family game night.

This was and still is one of my safe gathering places. When my children where at high school they would catch the bus to town then head to the library. Not because they have the same feelings about the place as me, but they would meet their tutor there. They felt safe there. They often would have time to browse the selections then settle down for their tutoring.

It was a place I could train my children on how to be independent. They could go and learn how to ask for help from their librarian. This helped them to practice talking to strangers but also pick the wandering librarian who they felt comfortable to approach. Even how to use a computer to locate information. They could wander looking at what they wanted and so could I. I thought that was a win win all round.

So when was the last time you went to your local library? Do you see it as a place that is more than just books? I haven’t been in the last few weeks myself, since going back to full time work. But I think that is exactly what my soul needs, library time.

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“Healthy” Boxed Dinner Meals

I decided to trial one of those companies. You know the ones. They sell you food all individually weighed and packaged. The instructions are intense (cut the carrot in half, then half again then in 3mm strips). Covid-19 was still very much in play for our state and Husband Dear still didn’t have his body under control. Still had flying visits to Brisbane. Plus I have teenage boys who constantly need feeding. Let me just say I was not spending ages in a supermarket doing the Covid dance. The I’ll jump to the left and hopefully the other person would distance themselves from me. Frankly ma’ dear, that dance gets really tiring in small supermarket aisles!

So I got four nights of boxed dinners with all the ingredients to cook. “Ripper!” I thought. The boys could do some night time meals and I won’t have to think about what to feed the family for at least 4 nights. My first box was free…….no, had to pay because I wanted 4 nights. The free box was only for 3. That’s how they lure you in. Ah but wait……I still have to tackle the supermarkets. Why? Apparently I still have to feed everyone lunches, snacks and breakfasts. Some of the air in my ballon deflated a little. All good I thought. Dinner is the most expensive part of my grocery shop….I’ll be saving money.

Well, the first box arrived. We were all excited. Okay, I was excited. I did not have to think about what to feed and cook everyone for 4 nights. Box opened to reveal every thing was individually wrapped. Like everything! It was wrapped either in plastic or was in plastic bags then placed into a brown paper bag all with coloured dots. The recipe cards where intense. Even I who cook a lot had to read those recipes a few times before commencing. Lets just say that one night Oldest Son decided to cook a box meal. It was disaster. Too many words for basic instructions and his teenage brain melted down. Lucky Husband Dear was able to save the meal before the onion and garlic burnt and teenage son had thrown something. I believe the swearing was the tip off all was not right.

I did persist for at least a month with these dinners. They were great in a sense that I did not have to think about what to cook. I’m sure all the night time cooks out there know what I’m talking about. I’m not completely convinced that it saves money. Depending on how many nights dinners and types of dinners ordered it is well over $150 a week for just one meal a day. Then your normal grocery shop on top of that. One thing I will say is that we all got to experience some new meal flavours and combos and it helped me to have a break and get my mojo back for cooking.

I now keep getting emails to lure me back to the nightly boxed meal of convenience. At times I feel my will weakening and think hmmm maybe. The last email did have a great deal…….

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Gone but not forgotten……..

Is it really goodbye………??

The past weekend has marked twelve months since the passing of my Grandmother. She died peaceful surrounded by her Husband and two children. The twenty-four hours leading up to her final breath she was surrounded by love. However by the early hours of an August morning she passed and by the following week we officially paid our respects and laid her to rest.

Being the oldest grand-daughter I was given the honour of writing and delivering her eulogy. An afternoon tea was laid out and between all the stories from various family members the eulogy was written. That process of all coming together was like a healing balm and it was wonderful to reminiscence on her sayings, mannerisms and the love she gave to us all. I left that afternoon feeling that if I could live her life as fully as she did, it would be a life well lived.

Stories came out about her nickname. A name that only her older sister called her. Her husband told stories of how fire works were placed on the train lines to have the train stop in their small country town to take them on their honeymoon. Unheard stories from everyone were shared. What the stories left me with was this. She was a lady who touched everyone she came into contact with. A caring and loving woman who left her mark on her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

“I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave. And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave? Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?”

Macklemore “Glorious”

Grandma I can honestly say you have not had your second death. You lead a life that gave more than you took. You have given me inspiration to continue to strive to give freely, love unabashedly and be happy for the small wonders of my life. As she would always say “It’s lovely……”

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The Magic of Camping

To camp is to forget your woes.

GratefulWonder

Growing up I could think of nothing worse than camping. Now don’t get me wrong, I did the backyard tent camping thing. However I really didn’t like having dirty hands and feet to go to bed and the idea of ‘doing my business’ in the bushes. Oh the horror and humiliation!

But a few years ago Husband Dear found an ideal block of dirt; two thousand acres of mountainous grazing area. Not normally two words that go together, ‘mountainous grazing’, but this block has ridges and valleys, ravines and creeks, dams and grazing areas. Our Bush Block is truely magnificent.

Now this block is just that…….a block. There are no toilets, town water or even tank water. There are no amenities or facilities. It is just land with old logging tracks around the place. To spend time here means camping. Serious camping with proper camp fires for warmth, light and cooking. It also means I have to do my business in the bushes!

What I didn’t realise is that to truly camp…. means there is no noise. You have to climb steep ridges to get phone service. There is no traffic noise. There is no noise of any kind, except for actual nature noises. So many birds with their songs and calls. The wind either tickling the trees leaves or at times barging right through. Have you ever heard the harmonic and rhythmic squeak and groan of tree trunks and branches? It provides such peace within. No light pollution so the stars are clear and bright yet the backdrop to those jewels is so inky black. No telescope is needed to appreciate the magnificence of the night sky.

As I write this I get to watch a Kurrajong eating a Native Australian ripe fig. The Kurrajong completely oblivious to me watching in awe and wonder. This is why camping is magical. You get to witness how great nature truly is and how blessed we are to be involved in it.

The many different sights on our Bush Block

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Joy

I was recently granted a considerable leave of absence from my full-time job. Mainly due to my husbands health issues. I certainly needed the time to ‘calm down’, deregulate and ultimately breath; breath deeply and exhale the stress that these life hurdles put us under. Being given this time, I have finally come to realise and appreciate a few things about myself.

This down time has allowed me to reconnect with passions, interests, hobbies old and new. I have come to appreciate and feel a deep gratitude for this opportunity despite the circumstances it was presented under.

Year seven at primary school introduced me to cross stitch. I loved it, cross stitch is such a beautiful art form. What I have come to appreciate later in life is that there are other embroidery art forms that I can explore. A few months ago I was lucky to find a basic cross stitch bookmark that I could do. Have I finished it yet……no. But I have enjoyed the reconnection of a hobby from my childhood. It has also opened dialogue with my youngest son showing an interest and wanting to know more. An unintended connection that has added another layer of interest and joy.

Another old fashioned activity that I have rekindled is letter writing. When I was growing up I had many pen pals. I wrote a letter most weeks to someone or multiple someones. This continued right up to my early adult years. Even after having my children my pen pal writing turned into mass email (yes I am old enough to remember when emails were new and exciting). For me, emailing became the next evolution in letter writing. There really is nothing better than the art of writing, detailing what has been happening and sending it off. It comes a close second to the excitement of receiving a letter in the mail (not a bill!).

As the song goes “these are a few of my favourite things…..” I know that we are all time poor. The cries of being time poor reverberate across the globe. But I urge you all, when you are doing something that brings you joy, breath deeply and exhale, allow yourself to wallow in the moment. I’m starting to think that maybe if we all said no a few more times and not just nod and go through the motions, we may be able to reconnect to the joys in our life both old and new.

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A few months ago our family went on a whirlwind journey. Now whirlwind journey implies that it was an exciting and thrilling adventure. Well planned and loads of fun. This could not have been further from the truth. Hubby was sick. Sicker than what he has ever been. It was the next stage of our normal.

Six years ago Husband Dear was diagnosed with an uncommon liver disease known as Primary Sclerosing Cholangitist or PSC for short. However we got a 2 for 1 deal. He was also diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (UC for for short). To say that it was one of the worst specialist appointments ever is an understatement. We met our brand new, Brisbane based gastroenterologist and within twenty minutes he had to tell Hubby that yes you have UC and this is what will happen and here is all the medication. Then he rolls into the news about oh you also have PSC. This disease will attack your bile ducts which will in turn destroy your liver. It’s not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ you will need a liver transplant. Oh, and we will need to closely monitor you as your risk for various cancers has just increased.

Now this was distressing six years ago but as we built our relationship with our specialist and learnt more about PSC and UC it became our normal. The medications and some diet adjustments had Hubby coming back into normal. Then 2020 hit.

In the middle of Queensland being in lock down, Hubby’s body commenced its own attack on 2020 with a liver infection and a cholongitist flair up. I must say it is interesting to deal with a medical crisis in the middle of a pandemic. A medical crisis that had nothing to do with the pandemic. We also live four hours away from our state capital where Hubby needed treatment.

Over the course of two months and five trips to the Royal Brisbane Hospital I have learnt a few things. One is that ‘normal’ can change at any time. Second it’s okay to get angry and cry, just don’t take it out on the ones trying to help. Thirdly everything comes back to being normal. Was it the same normal as before…..no. Has it become normal……yes. Will his condition change again……most certainly yes.

Early Retirement?

So the last two weeks Hubby has proposed a bit of spit ball plan. I love his half planned plans when he shares them with me. Now I know it sounds like I’m about to block his idea, but frankly it’s brilliant his plan. Now it’s me taking the idea and running it through my processing plant, aka my brain.

So what is his idea you ask? Well we have a pretty hot to trot property market at the moment and frankly were we live is idyllic. The big old home on a nice size bit of land overlooking a river that always runs. Also we are 20 minutes from the CBD of our town. The best of both worlds.

When we purchased this place I thought “yes, are forever place!” But alas, probably not. However if we got good money for our place we would be debt free. I could live the permaculture life I hoped I could have done on our river. Instead I would live it at our bush block.

Hubby made excellent points around “well what are we doing it all for?” And frankly he’s right. I’m currently stressed beyond belief with teaching. I’m tired of working with people who constantly need their ego stroked so the rest of the team I work with can move forward. I’m tired of the “politics” of work. And hubby is tired of dealing with the public.

Why not show our boys all the possible ways they could live their life. Our oldest boy can not wait to be independent. He already is independent but at 16 with no car licence and not able to enter any legal contracts makes living independent hard. He has clear goals around buying his own house. He wants to be finically secure and independent and live his life.

Hubby and I also have many different creative pursuits we would like to tackle as well. How awesome would it be to only be in our 40’s financially secure in all that we do and pursue our hobbies. Hobbies which can and have made us money. Nothing huge in the money stakes but enough to give our imagination flight.

Have you thought about what you would like to do if you didn’t have to work? We certainly have and in the next 2 years we will take that leap of faith. I can’t wait!

The Resilience Project

I know I’m late to the party with this but wow! What a great read.

Fantastic book. Everyone should read it.

I started this book and could not put it down. The author was able to weave his own personal stories of discovering resilience with research. And no it wasn’t dry reading about research either.

This field of study is a passion and absolute rabbit hole for me. Hugh was able to affirm my own personal beliefs around resilience. We can all achieve so much by just stopping and appreciating what is around us or by what we have.

I loved his stories of all the different people he met. People who without realising it taught the author what gratitude really is. From working with kids to working with troubled teenagers to mega footy stars in various football codes.

I realised that our family has been practicing daily gratitude for nearly 10 years now. This was a key feature within his book. Practicing daily gratitude. We do this as a family around our evening meal. It was why I started Grateful Wonder. It is what helps with my stressors and mental health and I know it has positively impacted on my families ability to always get back on that horse.

I issue you all with a challenge, what are you grateful for today? Message me, leave comments in my socials. What are you grateful for each day. It doesn’t have to be big or fancy. It can be small, like loving the smell of a coffee first thing in the morning. I would love to know what you are grateful for each day.