Gone but not forgotten……..

Is it really goodbye………??

The past weekend has marked twelve months since the passing of my Grandmother. She died peaceful surrounded by her Husband and two children. The twenty-four hours leading up to her final breath she was surrounded by love. However by the early hours of an August morning she passed and by the following week we officially paid our respects and laid her to rest.

Being the oldest grand-daughter I was given the honour of writing and delivering her eulogy. An afternoon tea was laid out and between all the stories from various family members the eulogy was written. That process of all coming together was like a healing balm and it was wonderful to reminiscence on her sayings, mannerisms and the love she gave to us all. I left that afternoon feeling that if I could live her life as fully as she did, it would be a life well lived.

Stories came out about her nickname. A name that only her older sister called her. Her husband told stories of how fire works were placed on the train lines to have the train stop in their small country town to take them on their honeymoon. Unheard stories from everyone were shared. What the stories left me with was this. She was a lady who touched everyone she came into contact with. A caring and loving woman who left her mark on her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

“I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave. And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave? Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?”

Macklemore “Glorious”

Grandma I can honestly say you have not had your second death. You lead a life that gave more than you took. You have given me inspiration to continue to strive to give freely, love unabashedly and be happy for the small wonders of my life. As she would always say “It’s lovely……”

The Magic of Camping

To camp is to forget your woes.

GratefulWonder

Growing up I could think of nothing worse than camping. Now don’t get me wrong, I did the backyard tent camping thing. However I really didn’t like having dirty hands and feet to go to bed and the idea of ‘doing my business’ in the bushes. Oh the horror and humiliation!

But a few years ago Husband Dear found an ideal block of dirt; two thousand acres of mountainous grazing area. Not normally two words that go together, ‘mountainous grazing’, but this block has ridges and valleys, ravines and creeks, dams and grazing areas. Our Bush Block is truely magnificent.

Now this block is just that…….a block. There are no toilets, town water or even tank water. There are no amenities or facilities. It is just land with old logging tracks around the place. To spend time here means camping. Serious camping with proper camp fires for warmth, light and cooking. It also means I have to do my business in the bushes!

What I didn’t realise is that to truly camp…. means there is no noise. You have to climb steep ridges to get phone service. There is no traffic noise. There is no noise of any kind, except for actual nature noises. So many birds with their songs and calls. The wind either tickling the trees leaves or at times barging right through. Have you ever heard the harmonic and rhythmic squeak and groan of tree trunks and branches? It provides such peace within. No light pollution so the stars are clear and bright yet the backdrop to those jewels is so inky black. No telescope is needed to appreciate the magnificence of the night sky.

As I write this I get to watch a Kurrajong eating a Native Australian ripe fig. The Kurrajong completely oblivious to me watching in awe and wonder. This is why camping is magical. You get to witness how great nature truly is and how blessed we are to be involved in it.

The many different sights on our Bush Block

Joy

I was recently granted a considerable leave of absence from my full-time job. Mainly due to my husbands health issues. I certainly needed the time to ‘calm down’, deregulate and ultimately breath; breath deeply and exhale the stress that these life hurdles put us under. Being given this time, I have finally come to realise and appreciate a few things about myself.

This down time has allowed me to reconnect with passions, interests, hobbies old and new. I have come to appreciate and feel a deep gratitude for this opportunity despite the circumstances it was presented under.

Year seven at primary school introduced me to cross stitch. I loved it, cross stitch is such a beautiful art form. What I have come to appreciate later in life is that there are other embroidery art forms that I can explore. A few months ago I was lucky to find a basic cross stitch bookmark that I could do. Have I finished it yet……no. But I have enjoyed the reconnection of a hobby from my childhood. It has also opened dialogue with my youngest son showing an interest and wanting to know more. An unintended connection that has added another layer of interest and joy.

Another old fashioned activity that I have rekindled is letter writing. When I was growing up I had many pen pals. I wrote a letter most weeks to someone or multiple someones. This continued right up to my early adult years. Even after having my children my pen pal writing turned into mass email (yes I am old enough to remember when emails were new and exciting). For me, emailing became the next evolution in letter writing. There really is nothing better than the art of writing, detailing what has been happening and sending it off. It comes a close second to the excitement of receiving a letter in the mail (not a bill!).

As the song goes “these are a few of my favourite things…..” I know that we are all time poor. The cries of being time poor reverberate across the globe. But I urge you all, when you are doing something that brings you joy, breath deeply and exhale, allow yourself to wallow in the moment. I’m starting to think that maybe if we all said no a few more times and not just nod and go through the motions, we may be able to reconnect to the joys in our life both old and new.

A few months ago our family went on a whirlwind journey. Now whirlwind journey implies that it was an exciting and thrilling adventure. Well planned and loads of fun. This could not have been further from the truth. Hubby was sick. Sicker than what he has ever been. It was the next stage of our normal.

Six years ago Husband Dear was diagnosed with an uncommon liver disease known as Primary Sclerosing Cholangitist or PSC for short. However we got a 2 for 1 deal. He was also diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis (UC for for short). To say that it was one of the worst specialist appointments ever is an understatement. We met our brand new, Brisbane based gastroenterologist and within twenty minutes he had to tell Hubby that yes you have UC and this is what will happen and here is all the medication. Then he rolls into the news about oh you also have PSC. This disease will attack your bile ducts which will in turn destroy your liver. It’s not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ you will need a liver transplant. Oh, and we will need to closely monitor you as your risk for various cancers has just increased.

Now this was distressing six years ago but as we built our relationship with our specialist and learnt more about PSC and UC it became our normal. The medications and some diet adjustments had Hubby coming back into normal. Then 2020 hit.

In the middle of Queensland being in lock down, Hubby’s body commenced its own attack on 2020 with a liver infection and a cholongitist flair up. I must say it is interesting to deal with a medical crisis in the middle of a pandemic. A medical crisis that had nothing to do with the pandemic. We also live four hours away from our state capital where Hubby needed treatment.

Over the course of two months and five trips to the Royal Brisbane Hospital I have learnt a few things. One is that ‘normal’ can change at any time. Second it’s okay to get angry and cry, just don’t take it out on the ones trying to help. Thirdly everything comes back to being normal. Was it the same normal as before…..no. Has it become normal……yes. Will his condition change again……most certainly yes.

Little Help from …………..

When friends and family support…..

Children are hard. They’re hard to work with, are extremely stubborn over nothing at times but ultimately, are hard to stop loving. The last few months have been huge for our family. Hubby has been sick with some serious progressions happening with his disease (that will need its own post!). We had in the space of two months five trips to Royal Brisbane Hospital. Oh and these weren’t in and out over nighter style stays either. While all this was happening I was attempting to teach full-time remotely (cause he had to fall sick when the pandemic struck) and teach and care for our children.

So how did I do it all? What saved me from utter despair? And how the feck did I not completely lose it and take all my hurt and frustrations out on my children? Well people one simple answer……….friends and family. When the chips are down you should be able to rely on friends and family.

Now I know that sometimes family or friends aren’t or are unable to be there. There are members of our family that we can’t rely on. Is it sad? Yeah, it is. There were friends who we realised weren’t friends as well. I’m also not talking about ‘friends’ that are sitting on your social media platforms. I’m talking true to the core, ridgy didge friends. During Hubby’s sickness we discovered how amazing and true our friends and family are.

We had family take our full on, wild boys for a full weekend. Including the feat of feeding teenage boys. Sometimes our boys just wanted to stay at home. Yes we left them home to fend for themselves. Their independence and confidence soared each time. Resilience in my children is high and they are continuing to build the bedrock of our family. I loved that my boys were confident to invite family and friends (not fellow teenage friends either) out for home cooked roast dinners. Yup, you heard right. Fourteen year old’s cooking roast dinners.

My Husband has always stated that it takes a village to raise a child. I am so proud and grateful that we have a true village. A village that includes people who I consider to be extension of my family even though they are not blood. These people offered help, not lip service help. They checked on my boys, fed my boys, talked with my boys and involved my boys in all manner of activities. I can never say thank you enough to those special people. All I can do is hope that I pay it forward.



Marriage – Best Decision Ever!

Today marks my wedding anniversary. Seventeen years married. For some, seventeen years is long. Some may even suggest that its been a struggle and how ever did you manage. For us there have been ups and downs with house moves, children, actual dire illness and dealing with all that the in-laws bring. A friend of mine once told me that we are couple number 4 that she has known that actually like each other! I find that statement distressing. Your partner is supposed to be that…..a partner. A person you can always rely upon. They are supposed to be your best friend. However that does not mean that either of us is a door mat. Or that we take turns on who will be the door mat. There are negotiations to be had and frankly, sometimes its best if he goes out and gets his hugs from his cows.

However we have always seen ourselves as a team. As our oldest boy constantly says “team work makes the dream work“. You know he’s right. Couples need to pull in together as a team to make stuff work. Together you will always achieve more. They are your cheering squad, honest and thoughtful feedback and will always have your back. Seventeen years ago I made the best decision to walk down the aisle with my best friend. He remains my best friend and confidant every since.

My only advice for a good marriage is to make sure you were true friends to begin with. If you can’t make a friendship work, then you possibly need to do some soul searching on your self or learn to make better friendships. Communication on all areas and matters are vital. If you can’t tell you best friend anything and they not think any different of you then they are not your best friend.

Remember “team work makes the dream work“. I hope you have or find the other half of your team to make the collective dream work.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

Friedrich Nietzsche